Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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