eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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