Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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