That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
