She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
