Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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