Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize