20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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