If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Do vagina's smell?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
