i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
How external is "for external use only"?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
