and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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