Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
