Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
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