YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
