Moan for me like Helen Keller
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
