Porn is love you can see.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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