Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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