it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
