I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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