Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
