I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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