either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
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Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
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There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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