Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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