I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
