can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
