It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
