Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
