I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
