absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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