I CAN MOONWALK!
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
