Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
