I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
