I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
