Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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