why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
