I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
The best revenge is premature balding
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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