naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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