already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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