Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
