I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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