Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
