please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
