i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize