u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
