I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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