I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
