my mouth tastes like poor choices
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
