What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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