just come out here and I will go home with you...
Your dad touched me again.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
