wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
