yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
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Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
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He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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