need another drink. this is the easiest way
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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