i jhust puked up my retainher.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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