my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I faked an abortion last night.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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