i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
