some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
