Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
