I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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