I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
