Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
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