I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
This is my gift to your gina
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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