i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
