went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
