you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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