I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
