She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
