The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize