this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
