i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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