Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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