It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
