Soap is not a condiment
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Randomize
