Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
