PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I checked into jail on foursquare
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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