it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
