All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
