If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
