Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
