I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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