i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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